And the Oscar for the least exciting Oscars goes to...

I know I'm a day late, but honestly, when the Oscars were over last night, I just wanted to go to bed because it was so painfully boring and I couldn't take the toothpicks I had wedged in my eyelids anymore. I mean, talk about a snooze-fest. Let's be honest here, the only real look worth talking about was Mila Kunis in her exquisite lavender Elie Saab masterpiece:

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Freakin' Mila Kunis. She probably took one look at herself in this get-up and was like, "What in the hell was I doing with Macaulay Culkin for like 10 years?" Seriously, though, this dress is my fantasy and she looks like a million bucks in it.

I was amazed to see that the hubs hung in there with me for the entire telecast, but I have a theory that it had something to do with the fact that he spotted this thing early on in the evening and was anxiously awaiting more:

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I don't know who this Jennifer Lawrence character is, but I'm pretty sure I know what she's thinking in this shot and it probably goes a little something like, "Tah-Dow bitches! Your husband is totally going to be thinking about me next time you guys do it."  Ease-up on the sexy next time Jennifer. We get that you're hot, but this is the flippin' Academy Awards, not The Girl's Next Door. Whatever- I guess she looked stunning.

Natalie Portman looked cute and she was all pregnant and glowy, and the color of her Rodarte gown was to-die, but I don't know- she just kinda bugs.

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This was a major step-up from that thing she wore with the flower to the Golden Globes. And, speaking of upgrades, I do have to say that my girl Sandy really stepped-up her game from the GG's as well:

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Elegant, timeless- and apparently, someone finally handed her the memo that said foreheads are in.

Gwyneth looked amazing and the neckline on her Calvin Klein dress was insane, but really, enough with the singing already.  It was almost painful to watch her looking so constipated up there.  Gwynnie- you know I love/hate you, but it's time to go back to pretending your British, or Jewish, or friends with Mario Batali, or something. 

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But these were just my winners- the offenders were countless, but I'll share with you just this one:

 

I love this couple and I get that she's all high on estrogen and stuff, but this dress was just tacky to me. Penelope must have called L'Wren Scott and been all, "What do you have that will make my boobs and vagina look like they've just burst into flames?" And then the Miss America Pageant called and was all, "We want our dress back."

As usual, I could go on, but I just caught a glimpse of my favorite pepto-pink sweatpants, which I've thoughtfully paired with a large, brown, grandpa cardigan for my evening at home and decided that maybe it's time for me to shut-up and go to bed.

xxxx's
j